I hadn’t been me lately. My excuse I kept telling myself and others had been, “life got in the way. I just don’t have the time.”
Bullshit. It was one lie after another. That lie led me down a path of garbage. Full of self-pity, self-hate, with a whiff of sadness and depression. I was unhappy with my physical self.
Professionally I had no complaints. But personally, I hated where I was sitting. Ever since my knee injury 2 yrs prior it was one failed attempt after another to get fitter. I missed my former self. I missed how I felt. I missed how I looked. I missed how I LIVED.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had an epiphany. A moment of clarity. I had been passing the blame onto everything and everybody else and not taking ownership of my laziness. Yep. Laziness… my lackluster slack-ass attitude and intention.
Ebb & Flow
I never adjusted my sails after I got knocked off my path when I snapped my knee. Once again. The surgery and rehab went fine. Standard aches, pains, and struggles for a mid-40-year-old. Just me sinking into my excuses. I got really good at ‘not my fault’ mentality.
I then read these words:
Instead of saying “I DON’T HAVE THE TIME” try saying “IT’S NOT A PRIORTIY”.
I’d read those words before. But for some reason this time they hurt.
LIKE A BULLET TO THE HEAD.
So for the past several years, I hadn’t made ME a priority. My health. My fitness. My happiness had not been a priority. Talk about getting punched in the face.
I needed to practice what I preached. Find my balance. Excel and grind in my profession… and excel and grind for ME.
Back then I told myself, “6 months. I can be a completely different person in 6 months.”
Make the choices I need to get me where I know I can be. I wanted fit. I wanted my former self. I wanted strength. I wanted (physical) power.
Ultimately, I wanted to like what I saw. I wanted to be happy with me. Being ‘fit’ was part of my happiness. 6 months into my 45th birthday I said out loud:
Fuck you 45. I’m better than this.
I’m now 4 months into my 46th year and I’m better than I was. I’ve remained consistent. It’s not all glory and personal records, but I spend most of my days being better than yesterday.
I work on it every day. That pep-talk I had with myself (and my online social circles) changed me for the better. I had reached my breaking point. It wasn’t just about fitness. It was about my happiness, my wellness. It was about finding my balance.
That pep-talk lead to a mantra.
#FU45 has turned into my mantra. If only to motivate me from the inside out. I’ve lived through A LOT of excuses. I still come up with half a dozen of them daily. My #FU45 hashtag is just a small reminder to get off my ass. It’s telling my former lazy self who likes to creep back into my life every now and then to FUCK OFF. FU45 is my way of not accepting mediocrity. I refuse to not get better. I intend on destroying the old me.
#FU45 is my way of saying I will not age gracefully. I will not slip and become complacent with my health. I’m going to fight. Even if I have to claw my way through. I’m fighting to be as fit as my life and my body will allow. I’m fighting every single day.
What am I fighting?
- That I’m too tired to go workout after my 12 hours shift
- That I can sleep in and waste the morning
- That I can eat those damn chocolatey or peanut buttery treats whenever I’m having a bad day
- That I can skip a workout because I’m stressed, broken or depleted
- That I can stop packing my lunch and just buy the shitty food at work
- That I can snack on the garbage because… why not
- That I don’t want to work out when I’m traveling because I’m tired
I decided to try and share my thoughts, my feelings, my attitudes and my methods of ‘fighting’. At the suggestion of several fans and followers, I’ve turned it into a podcast. It’s on all the podcasting hosting networks, I hope you’ll subscribe.
Here’s to being better than yesterday, whatever ‘better’ means to you.
FU45 Podcast: https://anchor.fm/fu45